I Opened the Most Ridiculous Advent Calendars on the Market

December 3, 2018 Off By Amelia Tait

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

The first ever advent calendar, in 1851, was a series of devotional images designed to remind its owner of the true, sacred meaning of Christmas. And so was my first ever advent calendar, in 1998.

A form of child cruelty so obscure that not many know of it, "religious advent calendars" reveal, behind each door, not a tasty tree-shaped hunk of Cadbury's that's weirdly gone white on the bottom, but an image of a Jesus, a shepherd or—if you're lucky—a particularly husky donkey.

It's this childhood depravation that means I have watched in awe over the last decade as the advent calendar market has exploded. From the £250 [$318] Harrods Beauty Calendar to the £5 [$6.36] Kellogg’s Cereal Bar Calendar, there are now 24 doors for everyone and everything.

But why? How did this boom happen? And is there a single brand that can't capitalize on the countdown to baby Jesus's birth? To find out, I did what no man has ever done before (and what no man without £922.74 [$1174.20] can hope to do after) and made an entire advent calendar out of advent calendars.

(NB: I know you've already written the comment—you wrote the comment before you clicked the article, based on the headline alone—but obviously I donated the unopened products to a woman's shelter and a food bank. Also, for deadline purposes, the 24 days of advent took place on one November afternoon, and that's the way you're going to like it.)