Finally, Personalized Protein Powder That Tastes Like Cinnamon Toast Crunch

If you’ve ever taken any kind of nutritional supplements, you are probably aware that, while helpful, they can also be incredibly confusing and have questionable efficacy. I remember when I used to do more strength training and was looking for a supplement/protein powder—I wanted a plant-based option, and the more I looked, the more confusing it all became. I just could not find one product that fit all my needs (i.e. that would immediately make me look like John Cena). One well-reviewed powder had a great lineup of ingredients, but contained shockingly high amounts of sodium; another featured more reasonable sodium levels plus all the nutrients I wanted, but had considerably fewer probiotics than other, similar options. One brand that a friend recommended contained a crazy amount of artificial sweetener. I eventually became so frustrated that I not only gave up on supplementing, but stopped using my body entirely, and now I live in a futuristic La-Z-Boy like the people in Wall-E. Just kidding—but if you’ve ever gotten into supplements, I suspect you understand where I’m coming from.

Well, it’s 2024 now, and customization is in, baby! Like, if you couldn’t just invent whatever you wanted using your cell phone and have it arrive at your house within a few days, it would make me question what we’ve actually achieved as a society. For example, at Nike, you can literally just make your own shoe now. Need to tackle out-of-control anxiety, sexual problems, or a receding hairline, but don’t feel like going to an actual doctor? (Same.) Just hit up Hims and they’ll hook you up with some pills! When it comes to supplements, my brothers and sisters in powder paralysis, there’s apparently now a service called Gainful, a company that builds personalized protein and nutrient blends based on your individual needs. Basically, registered dietitians assess your body metrics so they can put together a tailored cocktail of ingredients to help you reach your goals, and the result is a powdered concoction just for you, bro. 

Naturally, this sparked my curiosity as someone who finds shopping for these types of products to be akin to picking a restaurant to dine at with your picky friend, his gluten-free wife, and your vegan fiancée. Read: It’s stressful! But my hope was that maybe Gainful would be the golden ticket to liberate me from this frustration. 

Here’s how it goes: You start by taking a short quiz, which, yes, I took. I should probably warn that the quiz, while easy enough, can be rather humbling. You start out answering questions about your goals, indicating whether you want to build muscle, gain or lose weight, improve recovery or performance, et cetera. (Though I already possess the ideal body and have no goals or desires whatsoever outside of simply enjoying the perfection that is me, I decided to do my due diligence by “pretending” that I was an interested customer and going through the rigamarole, just to see what happened.) Then, you explain your current relationship with exercise and fitness, including the kinds of exercise you prefer and the frequency and intensity you aim for when you’re out there jammin’. (FYI, there’s no option for “I wouldn’t run if someone was threatening to kill me,” but you can just select “other.”) It asks for your height and weight in order to fine-tune it all; and when I put in my weight, a footnote appeared, telling me that they’d like to see me lose [redacted] pounds. After crying and eating a breakfast burrito, I continued with the quiz.

Gainful actually seems optimal for those with dietary restrictions that may limit their options with off-the-shelf powders. If you’re a label-reader by necessity or out of habit, you’ve probably noticed that a lot of protein powders contain potential allergens like whey and soy. During the quiz, I was asked about my preferences and restrictions, like whether I’m vegan, paleo, keto, vegetarian, soy-free; it also wanted to know about my current vegetable, fruit, and grain intake. Unfortunately, there’s no real way to know how many servings of whole grains and veggies are in a whole spinach and mushroom pizza, so I assumed the best and wrote in the maximum for all of them. Finally, I entered my email in order to receive the final results with my personalized formula. 

When I opened it, I was surprised and weirdly relieved to read that Gainful’s best course of action for me was to leave society and never return. I trust the science, so I’ll be working remotely from a cabin in Michigan going forward. Real talk, though, I was actually super impressed with the personalized protein powder Gainful put together for me—at a glance, at least, it appeared to be full of ingredients I actually want to take and believe are healthy. The personalized protein blends include ingredients like organic pea protein, organic brown rice protein, organic oat powder, whey protein concentrate (or isolate), and additions like green tea extract, BCAA blend, and organic sunflower oil; to boost hydration, things like stevia leaf extract, cane sugar, l-theanine, caffeine, or magnesium glycinate might be included. A pre-workout mix may include a number of the hydration ingredients, while additional boost options are creatine monohydrate (90s baseball hive, holler), fiber, collagen, and vitamin C. My personal powder—yes, the powder just for ME, ME, ME—had a base of organic pea protein, organic brown rice protein, and green tea extract, which are coincidentally three of my favorite nacho toppings, so I knew I was going to love it. 

I decided to order some on the spot, so the psychology of customization clearly worked on me. Of course, your specific cocktail will depend on your needs, so it might not be as elite as mine. 

Now, there’s another important factor when choosing protein powder: Does it taste good? As for flavors, it’s basically Baskin-Robbins up in here: There’s a whole buffet of enticing, dessert-y options, from chocolate and vanilla to sea salt caramel, cookies and cream, and “cinnamon toast.” Our long national nightmare of chalky, miserable protein powder smoothies may be over, at least as far as Gainful’s “menu” is concerned.

If this appeals to you, go forth and take the dang quiz already. And don’t forget to hit me up when you sign that $700 million baseball contract—Daddy needs a Subaru!

Read more about Gainful here.

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