The Best Food Gifts for Father’s Day That Aren’t (All) Bacon-Related

“Kiss the cook” apron? Check. New Balances? Donned, and tied tightly. Grill brush multi-tool? Duh. Flask locked and loaded with pop’s fave whiskey. Mission accomplished.If this Sunday scene sounds familiar, you probably have a food dad. A noble, much-appreciated creature, the food dad is often observed participating in fascinating rituals to establish pack dominance when congregating with other food dads, including—but not limited to—worrying that Bob is going to overcook the steak, commenting on what he calls an “interesting choice” of seasoning, and making the same sausage joke three to four times over the course of a single gathering.

Unfortunately, many of the food dad’s habits are yet to be fully understood, (see: staring deeply into searing meats for extended periods of time) and much more work needs to be done on the subject if we’re to have a rounded, nuanced understanding of the life form. He also keeps stealing melancholic glances at the family of ducks living in the swimming pool—weird.

Thankfully, though, your fearless VICE editors have done some crowdsourced digging into what makes the food dad tick. And, wouldn’t ya know it, just in time for Father’s Day. (Psst… it’s June 18 this year.) Our findings suggest that while grilling is a key facet of the food dad’s everyday life during the dry season, there’s so much more to their culinary prowess than flipping patties and searing steak. The modern food dad is a boulevardier, a true renaissance man capable of cuisine that far surpasses Americana comfort food. He uses the best spices from around the world and grinds them himself, all while telling you to “go long” so he can overthrow you a perfect spiral every time. You’ll catch it one day, bud. (You won’t.)

So don’t insult Dad by only getting him classic food dad grilling gear and drinkware (though obviously do get him those things, dads love that shit). Instead, get him the best food gifts that say, Your burgers slap Dad, but your coq au vin is also the bomb. 

He’s pumping iron in the kitchen 

What could be more major than presenting him with the great granddaddy of cast irons? This bad boy is ideal for preparing sauces, stocks, soups, and fancy dishes (think: Dad’s famous risotto) with its sloped sides and domed lid. Snag it in an olive green finish, because your pops is a dapper king.

He’s a skillet head 

Big enough to cook a whole family of eggs, for your whole family of eggs. If you’re going to gift him more cast iron, make it a skillet that’s over a foot in diameter, for the shakshuka to end all shakshukas. Wrap up a cast iron seasoning/care kit to really sweep him off his Timberlands. 

Show him that it’s OK to ask for directions

Sure, all dads are born with embedded knowledge on how to perfectly make burgers, ribs, steaks, veggie kabobs, and corn; but part of being a dad is becoming obsessed with new hobbies and forcing everyone to hear about it ad nauseam. So why not help him get obsessed with improving his admittedly already stellar command of cooking? We are pretty damn sure he’d go buck wild on Rodney Scott’s beloved barbecue cookbook or Aaron Franklin’s new smoking manifesto. Or if, like some dads, he’s moved beyond meat for whatever reason (some of ours definitely have), let him perfect his cooking of the “fake” stuff with plant-based wizard Isa Chandra Moskowitz’s new masterpiece (lovingly reviewed here).

Bring the Catalina wine mixer to him

“Our California tasting flight will take you on a top-down tour of sun-drenched coasts and golden vineyards,” says In Good Taste about their medley of wines from the Golden State, which includes a pinot noir that tastes like “finally learning a TikTok dance,” a syrah with afternotes of “attending an open bar charity event,” a rosé like a “slip ‘n slide,” and five other bottles of personality. We love a company that knows how to bottle all our complexes, especially with such nice branding. 

Just a crate of meat

Nothing says ILY like an Area 51-sized (too soon, maybe?) crate of bacon that’s aggressively branded with “MAN CRATES,” just in case you had any doubts as to the target audience of Carnivore Candy Jalapeño Bacon. You’ll also get a bunch of maple bacon, bourbon bacon seasoning, hot pepper bacon jam, and peanut brittle for breaking in those veneers. Or, if Dad is more into the jerky these days, a “Dad-vent” calendar full of jerky (yes, yes, we know) might be the way to go. 

He loves a good garnish

Does dad dig an ice-cold martini or a perfectly spicy Bloody Mary? He’ll be losing his mind over this deliciously briny garnish: olives stuffed with tiny cornichons. Salty perfection for his next savory beverage.

He’s the Brawny Man

Dad needs a place to put his sammy, dammit. Ideally, a throne that feels Lumberjack Lite™  with a fold-out side-table, pockets for his papers, insulated beverage pockets, and a rustic plaid pattern reminiscent of all the times he didn’t take you to the lake, sport. Maybe this year!

He’s a caffeinated king

Is Pops still hammering an entire pot of drip coffee a day? Stop the madness, and get him on the good stuff (or at least get him a better coffee maker). This mix-n-match bottle set of super-concentrated cold brew has varying levels of caffeine, so dad can enjoy a relaxing cup while he’s watching some Sunday morning golf, or he can guzzle a few bottles and grind his teeth while he rips out spreadsheets like a maniac. It’s up to him! (Plus, it tastes a whole lot better than his usual microwaved, lukewarm Folger’s. Trust us.)

Speaking of caffeinated kings…

Mr. Coffee is the device of a generation for many java-enjoying papas, but countless dads have had their lives changed when they were introduced to more modern bean juice dishers (is this a phrase? now it is!). “My girlfriend’s dad went full coffee maniac when we gave him a Chemex and a good grinder,” says VICE food & kitchen writer Adam Rothbarth. “Now I’m obliged to drink hella strong coffee (and thus experience peak anxiety) every time I visit.” Therefore, gift daddio a very cool and high quality coffee machine and/or burr grinder (we love Fellow’s new joint) so he can tweak through yet another frustrating MLB season of his beloved [redacted].

Make your grill dad a pizza dad

Dad may love manning the grill during barbecue season, but wouldn’t it be rad if you could also force him inspire him to make pizza for the whole family all summer? Get him a home pizza oven—they’re better than ever these days, and one of our favorite brands, Ooni, makes a model that can be fueled with either propane or wood. Best of all, you can snag one for under $300 (go in with your siblings for this one).

Make it spicy

Dads seem to walk a fine line when it comes to spice—some love it, while others are purists that believe the only spices you need are salt, pepper, and good old American air. If your dad is the former, mix up his regular cook with some Jamaican favors, like jerk marinade and bonnet hot sauce. Absolutely delicious stuff. Or, try some unique flavors from Heartbeat Hot Sauce Co., which we wholeheartedly recommend (the dill pickle serrano is fire).

A little personalization goes a long way

Hey! How’d you etch that on there? Boomer Food Dad will be most impressed. Also, now you’ll know which of the errant house glasses are his. Most decanters alone are going to cost you upwards of $50, so getting a personalized bottle and not two, but four glasses? Most impressive. Not like we’re looking for validation this Father’s Day, or anything. (But how else can we make it about us?)

Neither shaken, nor stirred

… Unless you’re making a Penicillin, perhaps. For a not-at-all nuanced explanation of Scotch lovers, you can pretty much lump them into peat-and-smoke heads (aka a campfire-esque, medicinal-in-a-good-way taste—think, Laphroaig 10) and those who tend to stick to the fruitier bottles that have a cleaner malt taste (Dalwhinnie 15, for example.) The latter pick is a good middle ground for both camps, and won’t disappoint Dad. 

The doomsday dad

You already know he’s down to grow his own sustenance. Just look at that beard. Start Dad off with these “sweet, velvety” (OK, Uncommon Goods) oyster mushrooms for his stir fries. The kit even comes with its own log.   

Contain thine kebab

Remember that part of Inception where they’re all moving in slow motion over the grill, trying to catch the precious, perfectly ripe tomato-bell-pepper combo as it falls off the stick and onto the floor due to the weight of its plumpness? No more. 

The best way to get your daily serving of corn

Drinking your corn? Genius! The resurgence of the American bourbon scene is something that whiskey lovers of all kinds appreciate. Your bourbon-loving father will drool over this bottle of WT Rare Breed, if it’s not already on his shelf. (And if it is, he’ll appreciate the restock.) For a cheaper option, or for the dad just starting out on his whiskey-drinking journey, try the more affordable (but similarly delicious) Wild Turkey 101. The sizable amount of rye in the mash bill gives Wild Turkey a spicy backbone that balances out the sweet notes that are typical in most bourbons. 

Improve his (already perfect) meat intuition

We get it—your dad is a barbecue master who can simply eye meat and know its deepest, darkest fears internal temps. Well, get ready to give him the ego check of a lifetime when you gift him a seriously baller thermometer. The Theramapen ONE is so chic and choice that he’ll actually feel cool (and maybe even proud) when using it; or, give the gift of a ThermoPro twin TempSpike, which allows him to monitor his cook via Bluetooth while running to the store for ice, sexing your mom, taking a nap, or whatever else he’s prone to spending around or less than 15 minutes doing.

Your dad is George Wendt

Beneath the glow of the St. Pauli Girl light—that’s where you’ll find him. Stoic, serene, and holding court in the shag carpet basement with his set of personally branded beer glasses. We see this for him. We also see it for you (in a few decades). 

Dad misses the Emerald Isle 

Bainne na mbó ar na gamhna—but the juice of the barley for us, as well as for the Irish whiskey-loving dad. (Go ahead, pop that one into the Google machine, we’ll wait.) Redbreast 12 Year is a delicious example of some of the best characteristics that single pot still Irish Whiskey can bring to the table.

It’s raining pots and pans out there

Or was it cats and dogs? If it is, Dad doesn’t want them, since pets are a lot of work and he knows that he’ll be the one stuck taking care of them. What he will want is this starter set of quality pots and pans by Made In. It comes with three of the brand’s best-selling stainless steel products, as well as the Blue Carbon Steel Frying Pan (with accompanying Seasoning Wax). 

Wry, just like Dad’s smile

You can’t go wrong with a glass of Michter’s. Spicier and less sweet than bourbon, American-made Michter’s US-1 Kentucky Straight Rye is nothing to scoff at—and you’d never guess it was this affordable. Enjoy it neat, on the rocks, or even [gasp] in a mixed drink. 

Most of all, don’t forget to thank Dad for getting the most important bun in the oven—you! 

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