The Best Sex Swings for Beginners (and BDSM Acrobats)
January 19, 2023Kink has never been more possible than in this hot and gaping Year of Our Lord 2023. We are blessed to have 1) internet access and 2) a dragon’s hoard of BDSM staples on the web’s horniest and normy-est sites, from Lovehoney to Amazon. And whether you’re an Olympic-level pommel horse kinkster or a BDSM novice, all you have to do is ask Alexa, “Where can I buy the best cheap, sturdy sex swings online for him to blow out my [redacted], but not my back?” and the web will deliver. Ideally, with discreet packaging.
You probably know your way around a deluxxxe fantasy bondage swing set by now, but if you’re new to sex swings, welcome. Aside from the kink of it all, getting hoisted into the air can simply be a new way to help you and your partner play around with sex positions and achieve deeper penetration; think of a no-drill sex swing as an easily collapsible (and stashable) piece of sex furniture; imagine how easy it will be for your partner to hoist you around like a piñata with the support of the swing. So easy. (We wish the GEICO caveman would do it.)
That’s enough pillow talk—let’s get you swinging.
The easiest to install, no-drill sex swings
Look, we get it. You don’t even have room for an air fryer in your apartment (but… have you seen the compact ones?), let alone space for a standing sex swing. Luckily, Lovehoney is slinging no-drill sex swings for hot, lazy people who don’t live in palaces, such as this Bondage Boutique swing that you just toss over the door (it has weights on the other side) or fit in your suitcase to take on vacation. Cop it while it’s 30% off for the site’s Valentine’s Day sale.
This Sportsheets [fires starter pistol] sex swing is just as portable as the one above, but it offers even more support with foot stirrups and exxxtra thick vinyl straps. As one reviewer writes, “We’d just about explored every position until this thing came along, [it turned] my partner into the sexiest acrobat.”
The most popular sex swing on Amazon
Go ahead, king. Add this bestselling apparatus from Amazon, which is full of sex swings, to your monthly order of paper towels and poppers from Bezos’ behemoth. It has over 1,600 (mostly glowing) reviews on the site, with one reviewer writing, “It’s easy to install [and] holds weight up to 300 lbs.”
You spin me right round
Do you think Leonardo ever wants to get spun around like the top at the end of Inception in a 360-degree sex swing? Because we do. There’s so much information out there about how to install a sex swing in your ceiling; if you hung up your dead Pothos plant in the kitchen, you can install this bad boy and enjoy even more maneuverability from your get-up.
Purple rein
Sigh. Pre-Jehovah's Witness Prince would have loved this regal sex swing, which is the same color as the eggplant emoji, and has earned an impressive 4.5-star average rating. As one reviewer writes, “[I] loved how it made my butthole feel free and energetic! I really enjoyed [when] he would spin me in circles and insert his penis in and out real quick everytime I made that 360°” You go, Tony Hawk!
The best sex swing with restraints
As a general rule—in life, and sex—we try to invest in items that do more than one thing. Today, that means dropping our coins on a highly rated sex swing that comes with its own handcuffs and eye mask.
The full monty
RIP Fragonard, your dirty ass would have loved to tickle someone’s bloomers from under this standing sex swing. As one Amazon reviewer writes, “I [love] my jungle gym […] I don't think I had it [for] more than an hour, and I had 4 willing souls/victims and them fellas had hoot of a time!!
Support the arts and crafts
This sex swing-hammock hybrid is made with love by an indipendent leather [cracks whip] artist, and receives high praise on Etsy for the quality of the materials and construction. As one fan writes, “[It’s] very good quality, [and] should stand the test of time. I’m really looking forward to putting it to some heavy use.”
Swing low, sweet chariot. (And don’t forget the lube.)
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.