The Celebs Burning the Planet Down This Month

The Earth is creaking under the hellish conditions imposed by its parasitic human population. The destruction of everything we’ve ever known and will know comes clearer into view with each anomalous weather year. That means only one thing: It’s time for this month’s worst celebrity polluters! 

Honourable mentions go to Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriend, Georgina Rodríguez, who is pictured here late November on a private jet, and normie gf Taylor Swift and Labrador bf Travis Kelce, who between them have apparently conjured 138 tonnes of CO2 in three months. We’re looking for the usual suspects of PJs, hummers, big fuck off yachts and the rest. We’re all sinners, but the following people, whether habitually or not, are climate linesteppers. 

They’re crossing into end of days, fucked up old testament territory with their emitting. So with that said, as we cap the end of the year, we hope you’ve enjoyed what we’re doing here and we’ll see who’s up to their dumb climate-change bullshit in 2024. Here are some bad guys from December:

Jay Leno driving a Porsche 718 Cayman GT4 RS

Jay Leno is a recurring character in this column for the simple fact that he’s got a car show on YouTube. In any case, the Porsche 718 Cayman GT4 RS produces a decent amount of CO2, so why not get him on here once more?

Carbon emissions of a Porsche Cayman: The GT4 RS emits 299 grams of CO2 per kilometre. Driving the car for 100km would emit around 29.9kg of CO2, roughly the same as burning 16 kilos of wood. 

Jerry Jones’ fancy mega-yacht docked on the Thames

The owner of the Dallas Cowboys has a mega-yacht named Bravo Eugenia currently parked up in the Thames. His yacht seems to pop up all over the world; while the yacht manufacturers claim its design and means it’s a third more energy efficient than boats of its size, it’s still a fucking mega yacht.

Carbon emissions of a yacht: A mega-yacht typically emits roughly 7,020 tonnes of CO2 each year, but this is a third more energy efficient, so let’s call it 4,680 tonnes of CO2. That’s about the same amount of C02 produced per passenger flying from London to Perth and back 1,509 times.

Jeff Bezos soon-to-be wife Lauren Sanchez ‘stuns on Bezos’ yacht’ 

Yeah, so, just the gall of this woman. How flagrant do you want to be with your wealth and attitude towards the planet? “Lauren Sanchez stuns in red dress”, though.

Carbon emissions of yet another yacht: If mega-yachts emit roughly 7,020 tonnes of CO2 each year, that’s roughly the same amount of CO2 generated by 41 million regular-sized cans of Coke.

Floyd Mayweather and his McLaren 720S

The money man owns many a souped-up car, and this McLaren 720S is no different. What a career he had, though he surely should have lost to José Luis Castillo. Anyway, stop fucking up the planet for the sake of it, you lemon!

Carbon emissions of a McLaren 720S: According to McLaren, the supercar produces 276g of CO2 per kilometre. The average new car emits 120.1g per kilometre.

Drake next to some kind of Maybach

Yeah so, we weren’t sure about the actual car, but the soft king is a big fan of Maybachs. See him here in country-style dress stood by one.

Carbon emission from a Mercedes-Maybach S680 4MATIC: Look, we’re not totally sure what kind of Maybach that is. But if we take Drake’s Mercedes-Maybach S680 4MATIC as an example – that produces 11.8 tonnes of CO2 over 15,000 miles or roughly a year’s usage. That’s about the same, per passenger, as flying return from London to LA seven times.

@nichet