What VICE Readers Bought This Month: Article Sofas and Massage Goggles

We’re somehow already in the home stretch of 2023, which means we spent the last two weeks eating our body weight in fruitcake, firing up the virtual yule log, and pretending we were grateful for our family members’ questionable gifts we definitely didn’t ask for. Our dad may have gifted us socks for the fifth year in a row, but we preemptively forgive him, since shopping for holiday gifts felt like absolute chaos.

As December draws to a close, and we kept complaints to ourselves, let’s also revisit the best-selling products of the month—the ones you, dear VICE reader, couldn’t get enough of. Hopefully you were on their nice list, because maybe you found one of these killer finds under the tree. We hope you didn’t get coal! (although it could make an interesting centerpiece).

As it turns out, things got quite interesting this month, which is very much in the spirit of the holiday season. Readers went ham by stuffing their own stockings with penis pumps, copped crossbody bags that look like chickens, and decided to splurge on the bed frame we recommended for discreet sex. (We all know what’s on their to-do lists during winter break!) Anyway, here’s all the best-selling stuff VICE readers bought during December, from Article sofas to gaming emulators.

A quiet, sturdy bed frame for you-know-what

Having a non-squeaky bed frame for incognito sex when your roommate is in the other room playing Fortnite? Essential. This handsome wooden bed frame didn’t make our list of best sturdy bed frames for sex for nothing. Besides radiating sleek Scandi vibes, it’s crafted with solid wood, offers a lifted design, and includes non-slip tapes sure to keep your mattress in place.

Article’s Sven sofa for hardcore winter chilling

This dreamy Article sofa was popular with readers for good reason. In addition to having a bona fide cult following, it serves “cozy library vibes” and is perfect for marathoning the Lord of the Rings trilogy. And apparently, assembly only takes about five minutes (thank god).

Heated massage goggles for the next level of unwinding

We love these massage goggles, so it’s no surprise that you, dear reader, also want to indulge in all the *good vibrations*. This Therabody product—yep, the same brand that makes the iconic Theragun—relieves facial tension using heated vibrations and massage pulses, and has three customizable modes that range from five- to 30-minute sessions.

A tried-and-true penis pump

Want your slugger to look like something straight out of a porno? This supreme enhancement tool delivers extra firmness along with *intense* pleasure. You can also get 55% off at Pinkcherry with the code BLOWOUT at checkout.

A handheld video game console with thousands of retro games

Nintendo’s GameBoy Advance is, sadly, a thing of the past, but this emulator is here to revive the retro memories. It offers more than 5,000 nostalgic, classic video games and can be used without a Wi-Fi connection, which makes it a great travel companion.

A bar book to help you make the perfect extra dirty martini

The holiday season means it’s time to bust out ye ol’ cocktail shaker. Impress your guests with highbrow selections from this reader-fave book that contains 600 years’ worth of cocktail history.

A bag that looks like a chicken

We’re big fans of this this strangely compelling chicken bag over here, so maybe we shouldn’t be surprised that it made the cut. Now we need to buy this matching rotisserie chicken sweatshirt…

The perfect gift for anyone and everyone: a shoulder massager

You can only walk into the same nail salon for a 10-minute massage so many times before it starts to add up (and look suspicious). This affordable shiatsu massager uses heat therapy and has three levels of intensity to relax your shoulders and gently hit all sorts of pressure points on your back and neck.

It’s been a wild 2023—load up your chicken bag with penis pumps, and let’s ride into 2024 together.

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.