What VICE Readers Bought This Month: Milking Tables and Birkenstock Dupes

Babe, wake up—September ended. But before we dive head first into spoopy season, and attempt to outrun the tidal wave of pumpkin everything, we must do a little reminiscing on what y’all, dear VICE readers, were absolutely frothing over during the nicest month of the year (weatherwise, at least). (OK, so New York City finished out the month with a torrential downpour and Day After Tomorrow level flooding, but it’s October now, so we can fully dissociate from whatever happened in the past, and start planning our epic Lana Del Rey at Waffle House costume.) That’s right—it’s time for our monthly roundup of bestsellers that VICE readers couldn’t get enough of, from fancy lube to cult-fave running sneakers.

In August, VICE readers copped Noguchi-style lamps, fancy Samsung refrigerators, and prostate massagers and glass butt plugs in celebration of #analaugust.  So what did y’all add to cart in September? Togo sofa dupes were selling like hotcakes, as were stroking toys and pheromone perfume. But, to our surprise, our VICE-reading brethren also went ham for milking tables (if you don’t know what those are, you’re about to find out!), absolutely lost your mind over some inexpensive Birkenstock Boston clog lookalikes, and collectively decided to hit reset on your summer diet of lobster rolls and daily ice creams cones with a Sakara subscription. Here’s all the best-selling stuff VICE readers bought during the month of September, from sturdy bed frames for sex to pasties.

Togo sofa dupes

It’s no secret at this point that y’all have great (expensive) taste. You’re into vintage furniture pieces that stand the test of time, but like us, unfortunately don’t have $6K to shell out for an original on 1stDibs. The good news is that we’ve scoured the web for you and found the best lookalikes, and this past month you guys bought both the Viv + Rae three-seater couch and the armchair version of this iconic style.

Boston clog dupes

We all know that Birkenstock’s iconic, unisex suede slip-on has been climbing the popularity charts over the last few seasons, but we’re calling it: It’s officially the year of the Boston clog. This shoe really flew off the shelves in September, and if you don’t feel like shelling out $150 for Birkenstock’s original style, you’re in luck, because Kohl’s (of all places) has been slanging very similar mules in two colors. That’s right—you can have black and tan for less than the price of one Boston.

Purple’s PerfectStay duvet

Not to be dramatic, but one of the worst things about being a responsible adult is having to change the duvet cover by yourself, getting completely winded and/or overheated and then needing to take a break from a single chore. Thanks to Purple’s PerfectStay duvet cover set that opens on three sides (innovation!), it’s easier than ever to slide your comforter into the cover, and seal it shut with soft-touch Velcro in a matter of seconds, instead of minutes. We must have some fellow frustrated duvet owners in our readership, because this innovative cover was a bestseller this month.

On Running sneakers

The Cloudstratus is resident VICE runner and sneaker-reviewer Nicolette Accardi’s new favorite shoe for smashing personal records. As a Hoka loyalist, Accardi was pleasantly surprised with On Running’s Cloudstratus sneaker that she says, “[has] huge race potential given I ran a personal record during the New Balance 5th Avenue Mile.” Score. On Running’s cult following is strong, and for good reason.

Sturdy bed frames for sex

A good bed frame can be hard to find, especially since the days of going to an actual furniture store are long gone. Furthermore, it’s hard to know how a bed frame will perform during sex until you take it home and go for a test “run.” Looks can be deceiving, so we went through hundreds of reviews (and some personal testing) to find which bed frames not only look good, but also won’t crumble after a raucous trip to pound town. The good news is that your top two picks both come from Wayfair and cost less than $300, which we consider a massive steal.

Sakara’s healthy meal delivery

Our favorite bougie ‘plant-rich’ meal service, Sakara, launched a “fall reset” diet that will not only help you recover from a summer of indulgence, but also gear up for the months ahead filled with carbs, starches, and sweets. There’s a reason this meal delivery system is so popular with celebs and babes: The food not only feels detoxifying and health-boosting but also tastes good. To quote our glorious Sakara guinea pig: “Is it the cheapest meal delivery service in the world? No. But is it the perfect one for hot, lazy people who want to have abs and harbor strong manifestation capabilities? Yes, undoubtedly.” Say no more, king.

Nipple covers that stay discreet (and stay put)

When writer Becca Blasdel set out to find the perfect nipple covers, she did not expect that her noble pursuit for pasties would go so hard. It turns out there are dozens of options on the market, and they are not all created equal. But both the writer and the readers agree: Gatherall and Nippies’ products are superior. They’re reusable, comfortable, and not super expensive. Plus they come in a variety of shades to match different skin tones.

Milking tables (yep, that kind!)…

While the popularity of sex toys among VICE readers came as no surprise (everybody loves an orgasm), it was the large quantity of milking tables that sold in September that pricked up our ears. This glorious piece of sex furniture from Etsy can be customized to your liking, with six different size options. The reviews are gleaming, with the only negative being the time it takes together, but remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Y’all have fun now.

…And stroking toys

Also on the agenda this month… stroking toys. You penis-having peeps can’t get enough. Whether it’s Tenga’s affordable, low-tech Spinner toys or these futuristic, rechargeable automatic sucking toys, one thing’s for sure—VICE readers go wild for a pocket pussy.

Pure Instinct’s TikTok-famous pheromone perfume

If you’ve already snagged this pheromone-infused roll-on fragrance, you’re not alone. This inexpensive perfume oil has a clean, musky scent, lasts forever, and ensures you will at the very least get a compliment, and at best, a new lover. This bad boy has been a hit with readers month over month, and for good reason. You can read about our personal experience taking Pure Instinct for a test drive here.

Uberlube, possibly the best lube ever

The reason our reviewer decided to give Uberlube a try in the first place was the overwhelming amount of glowing reviews it has on Amazon (it has earned a 4.6-star average rating from over 21,100 reviews). Mary Frances Knapp writes that “part of what makes Überlube so popular is what isn’t in the lube—no overpowering fragrances or weird thickening agents that feel gloopy. Instead, the lube just has a little bit of vitamin E for skin soothing and hydration.” If you haven’t already grabbed a bottle for your nightstand, what are you waiting for?

Who’s ready for Scorpio season?

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.