The VICE Guide to Throwing Sex Parties
September 13, 2023Good morning, and yes, before we even get started: You can be a sex party person. Mainstream media wants you to believe that you have to be some kind of gifted sexual wizard to throw or attend a play party, but, as Anna Fitzpatrick explains in this VICE guide to sex parties, there are endless ways to explore this genre of horny mixer. Eyes Wide Shut-level sex parties in neoclassical mansions exist, sure, but there is a just-as-compelling sex party being held in that nice brownstone in your neighborhood that kitty-corners a Denny’s.
If you’re a seasoned sex party-goer, scroll-on to enjoy our curation of luxury condoms, lingerie, and sex toys that will make you the star of the next soirée you decide to host or attend. If you’re new to sex parties, start by exploring events hosted by legit businesses, clubs, or bathhouses, and chat up the folks in some of the many sex positive swingers forums online.
Do: Your research. Don’t: Be weird. Consent and clear communication between attendees are also non-negotiable at sex parties, and your host should always require a degree of vetting as part of the organizational process in addition to the fun and spicy information about dress codes and themes, from classic BDSM to “Horse Girl Summit” (true story).
Once you’ve arrived, remember to just relax. Don’t feel the need to participate during your first time (voyeurs are a staple of play parties) and know that declining someone’s proposition is as easy as saying “no thanks” and not being awkward or taking anything personally. As one sex party stan writes in this Reddit forum for first-timers, “The best advice is to treat this like a normal club that vanilla people go to. Talk to people, dance, flirt, have fun… and worry about the sex last.”
Remember, there are sprawling sex parties for experienced kinksters, leather dungeon frequenters, and seven-person sex parties for people who just want to sip a flavored San Pellegrino and get blown on a milking table. We’re not going to get too in-depth into the prep and epistemological questions about play parties—again, that’s what this VICE article is for—but you should come prepared mentally, verbally, and physically. Unlike other experiences in this Good Life where you just need to bring a smile and good attitude, here you need to actually come prepared to cum with the right equipment, unless you are the nepotism baby of an oil baron grandmother whose dowry was nitrite fisting gloves and condoms. You have order buttons and people to smash, jabroni! And honestly, that’s half the fun. Planning a brunch or a BBQ is cool, but planning or attending a sex party where YOU get to roleplay as the döner kebab receiving a heavy load of Ken's Steak Sauce is even better.
Roll out the sex blanket, and let’s ride.
Pick a great outfit
Listen, you can’t be the person who just shows up to a sex party in Alo leggings and a Team Building Exercise ‘99 T-shirt… unless that’s in-line with the theme. Whether you’re hosting or attending a sex party, you’re going to need to look nice to set the mood and show some respect and excitement for the event. That doesn’t mean you will have to invest in a full dominatrix ‘fit, but you need to either adhere to the theme or come in, say, some non-corny lingerie or an aesthetic harness with a silk robe.
Who better to outfit your first sex ‘fit than Savage x Fenty? The brand’s Hellcat Bustier is the perfect blend of class and camp with its mix of mesh material, cheetah print, and adjustable garter straps. Pair it with this long, black silk robe while it’s 31% off at Nordstrom.
This is an extremely versatile harness because it could work well at both a classic lingerie-themed play party or a more BDSM-leaning event. The strappy red bodysuit is one of Amazon’s bestsellers with 1K+ reviews praising the fact that it’s “very plus size friendly” and is “very adjustable and comfy.”
Show off your sex toys
This is the time for show and tell, mate. Don’t be afraid to pull up with some of your favorite sex toys, as long as they are capable of being not only cleaned, but sterilized with cleansing wipes and a portable UV light machine, which you can cop for about $40 on Amazon; if you’re bringing dildos, bring plenty of condoms for covering the devices.
The versatile Apex vibrator would definitely be a flex to whip out of your Ho Go Bag. It’s a bestseller from the luxury California sex toy brand Jimmy Jane, and while it’s currently sold out on the brand’s site, you can still find some of the coveted vibes on Amazon to experience what all the fuss is about. TL;DR: One end of the vibrator functions as a traditional dildo for anal and/or vaginal play, while the other has a fluttering, suctioned tongue for stimulating nipples, clits, and more.
Here’s an idea: Whether you’re hosting or attending, pull up to the event with a bunch of cock rings and distribute them like confetti (vibe permitting). This high-rated multipack contains six silicone rings of varying sizes, and, in the words of one Amazon reviewer, the “different sizes [can also allow] for different fits and sensations.”
Fill an elegant glass bowl with luxury condoms
Condoms, condoms, and more condoms should abound at any solid sex party. If you’re attending, bring some of these condoms from the luxury Swedish sexual wellness brand LELO into the mix, because they 1) don’t smell like balloons and 2) are designed with a unique honeycomb structure that makes them extra durable. If you’re hosting, artfully arrange them into a postmodern, designer glass dish or bowl such as this one from Maison du Balzac, which looks like it was designed by elegant mimes.
Load up on things like gloves and mouthwash
How would you prepare yourself, or your home, for a finger painting party (with a lot of fucking)? That’s kind of the mentality you want to embrace with sex parties by keeping clutch sanitary items such as gloves and mouthwash on-call.
These skin-tight gloves come in packs of 100, as well as a variety of colors, and are made out of a silky faux-latex material called nitrile. As one pleased Amazon reviewer writes, “They are just like buying a great condom, you can still feel everything, and they won’t break.” As for mouthwash, consider presenting bouquets of these travel-sized packets with a 4.6-star average Amazon rating around the house. Sure, you could buy a bottle of Listerine and call it a day—but offering a 40 pack of individual packets feels a lot more professional.
This travel-sized container of the La Mer of lube
There’s an entire VICE guide to the best lubes for sex, whether you’re planning on getting porked in the rear or gargling some balls with butterscotch-flavored lube, but if we had to pick one lube to bring to a sex party, it would be this travel-sized container of Überlube. Known as the La Mer of lube, this ambrosia is such a hit thanks to its long-lasting, silicone-based formula that smells clean, goes on smooth, and has a name also doubles as a great safe word.
Plenty of sex blankets
This also sounds like a no-brainer, but trust me: You’re not going to want to use every blanket as a sex blanket, so make sure to get a throw designed specifically for action. For one, silicone lube can be hard to get out of bedding. Plus, sex blankets such as this black beauty from Catalonia are designed to be extra absorbent and prevent liquid leaks.
Sex furniture is really chic these days
Turning your living room into a horny playpen with semi-incognito sex furniture has never been more possible. This chaise lounge from Ebern Designs would be equally at-home in the office of Dr. Frasier Crane as it would your sex party, and its artful dips and humps allow for all kinds of creative positioning during your soirée. Plus, the faux leather material is stain resistant and easy to wipe down.
As for more portable sex furniture, this inflatable sex pillow will allow you to hump, arch, plow and be plowed like a true yeehawsexual thanks to its curved shape and side handles.
Dazzle with this no-drill sex swing
Again, part of the fun of attending and hosting a sex party can be the curation of sexual apparati for guests. This no-drill sex swing is both easy to throw into your own slutty go-bag, and a breeze to install in your own home. Just sling it over the door, and you're ready to smash. As one Lovehoney stan writes, “I bought this swing as a bit of a toy […] but it’s no gimmick. It adjusts so he can get on his knees in front of me and I can look down at him really having fun.”
Don’t sleep on aftercare
It’s likely that your sexual marathon will be punctuated by breaks spent sipping tea, Pedialyte, and maybe even making light banter over a soft pretzel. Y’all are going to need to recharge in order to resume your sexual acrobatics, which is where these hydration powder packets from LMNT come into play. With a 4.5-star average rating from over 11,000 Amazon reviewers, these electrolyte powders are designed to be mixed into tea or water in addition to containing magnesium and potassium for energy.
In the immortal words of Katya Zamolodchikova: “Party.”
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