Finally, Earplugs That Shut Everyone Up but Also Make You Look Sexy

Everyone loves curves. The people who design Porsches? They love ‘em. And companies that sell sports equipment, like basketballs and tennis balls? They are clearly fans as well. Even you love curves (which probably explains both your passion for bagels and your Reddit search history). Kyle Kirkpatrick, founder of popular molded earplugs brand Decibullz, loves curves so much that he named his newest venture CURVD.

Earplugs aren’t historically considered a very sexy category, but hey, maybe they should be. With CURVD, Kirkpatrick seeks to create “cool” high quality earplugs designed for everyday use, which seems up the alley of people who want to look attractive while blocking out unwanted noise, whether that’s the excessive, tinnitus-inducing volume at a show you’d otherwise be enjoying or the everyday din of strangers just talking and hanging around in public (shut up!!!). To that demographic, I drop a reasonably loud “literally me” here—and if you were wearing CURVD earplugs, you wouldn’t even know it.

Listen (if you aren’t already wearing CURVDs, that is), there are many reasons to need the world to shut the fuck up. (As someone with a frequently snoring partner and two hella noisy cats, I could not be more sympathetic to that initiative.) CURVD points out many reasons to close yourself off from the aural ills of society, citing everything from parents wanting to escape “crying babies and boisterous playtime” (holy shit, yeah, no thank you) and students trying to study in peace to people who find their sleep affected by traffic sounds and loud neighbors. And then, of course, there are all the doom metal and Taylor Swift concerts you attend, which are exposing you to “potentially damaging noise levels.” The world is loud and fucked up, and you didn’t need to see Oppenheimer in 70mm to know this—I’d bet you already know it in that curvy little head of yours.

So why CURVD and not just those shitty foam earplugs you can buy for $1 at the bar? Well, if you’re trying to curve that noise (booyah), these everyday earplugs offer up to 30 decibels of sound reduction while still being pretty soft and flexible, so it doesn’t feel like you have to jam a traffic cone in your ear every time Tomb Mold comes through town. CURVD is also highly aware that the only thing more important than protecting your hearing (and sanity) is looking good, so they’ve provided a bunch of weirdly alliterated color options, ranging from Mindful Mint and Peaceful Purple to Harmony Honey and Blissful Blue. And for the curvy price of about $30, you get not only the plugs but also various sizes of ear tips and a literally curvy aluminum carrying case. Five minutes of goddamn peace and quiet away from your screaming baby and dumbass spouse, though? Priceless!

Who would have thought that deliberately not listening to the world around you would turn out to be a good thing? It’s not the world Beethoven would have wanted, but it’s nevertheless the one we’ve created for ourselves. At least we can turn it off.

Buy CURVD’s Everyday Earplugs on CURVD’s website.

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