Finally, These Pills Will Help You Poop Like a ‘Super Performer’

If you’re not constantly thinking about your next BM, CONGRATULATIONS! You obviously did something right in a past life. That, or you’re either not Jewish (#GERDtribe), eat really clean, and/or aren’t riddled with anxiety about everything (including going number two in public or after you’ve showered). Well, you know the movie Limitless? Where Bradley Cooper takes a little pill and can suddenly use 100% of his brain? A new probiotic called Nella from probiotic innovation lab Fitbiomics is basically that… but for pooping. Have you ever thought about what it’s like to poop like an Olympic athlete? Me neither, but real scientists at Harvard(!) have. They’re out here doing the (literal) dirty work to find out what it’s like to poop like a champion.

Even the most regular of us still get into weird patterns when our gut just feels off. You’ve probably tried probiotics, fiber, and maybe even prunes, but have you tried a probiotic made from the fecal matter of Olympians? No, you haven’t… and if you don’t want to resort to a fecal transplant (another thing I learned about while researching this probiotic), you might as well give Nella a try. Why you ask? Because unlike “typical probiotics [that] come from food, soil, plants, random individuals, or baby poop,” (again, mind blown) “Nella next-gen probiotics are sourced from the microbiome (trillions of cells in the gut) of the fittest 0.01% people in the modern world,” according to Fitbiomics. Yes: Nella contains three proprietary bacterial strains (Lactobacillus acidophilus FB00012, Lactiplantibacillus plantarum FB0015, and Lacticaseibacillus rhamnosus FB00047) derived from… elite-athlete poop. Wild, right?

It gets even better: We know the exact athletes “sharing their fecal matter for the benefit of humanity,” according to the brand. Fitbiomic’s MEGA-probiotics were derived from “five-time Olympic gold medalist swimmer Nathan Adrian, six-time world champion wrestler Adeline Gray and ultramarathon runner Kyle Pietari (among the athletes).” OK, stalk much?

Another good reason to (maybe) trust these futuristic poop pills? Co-founder and chief executive officer of FitBiomics, Jonathan Scheiman, PhD., whom “a former college basketball player whom a colleague calls ‘the Tony Stark of probiotics.’” ‘Nuff said.

Please, write “Tony Stark of Pooping” on my Tombstone.

Try (or at least learn more about) Nella on Amazon, and enjoy your god-tier bowel movements.

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