The Best Realistic Body Pillows (to Make It Feel Like They Never Left)

When did we resign ourselves to basic home goods that are, well, so basic? A mop shouldn’t just be a mop. It should tap dance when I’m out of the room, or at least come with its own top hat. If I’m looking for a body pillow to replace my future ex-wife, I shouldn’t have to settle for a memory foam log and cheap lace-front wig. I’d like to see some arms on that side sleeper pillow; maybe even a smile.

Luckily, people who sleep alone have more options than ever for stifling their isolation with comfy, highly rated partner-shaped pillows that won’t ever step out for a packet of cigarettes and a gallon of milk. There are torso-shaped pillows with washboard abs, accent pillows with boobs, and XL body pillows that can be personalized to look like your dream boyfriend, girlfriend, or themfriend with realistic screen printing. Put aside that snooze-worthy Snuggle-Pedic pillow; and cop a person-replacing pillow for yourself, a “friend,” or a White Elephant party gift; and you’ll experience firsthand what one Wayfair reviewer meant when they wrote, “Great pillow! He even holds you if you want!” about this squishy number.

Sleeping alone, together, has never been more possible.

“The only man I need”

This absolutely shredded body pillow has a 4.6-star average rating on Amazon, and is designed to fit snugly in your office chair for better back support, or to garnish your bed like a smitten lover. One reviewer wrote that “I bought this because I thought it was funny and kitschy but this thing is actually super comfortable and a great couch pillow,” while another added, “Christmas to myself. The only man I need.”

“Loneliness is everything it's cracked up to be. This helps”

If you’re looking to replace someone with female anatomy, this pillow has high ratings on Amazon from over 100 reviews saying everything from, “Very soft and comfortable, and worth buying. It’s also a little fun playing with her belly button while you lay on her” to “Loneliness is everything it's cracked up to be. This helps.”

They’ll call him, ‘Lance Armstrong’

This muscular body pillow comes in a few different colorways, and has earned a 4.7-star average rating on Wayfair. Fans of the pillow write that they’ve purchased it for gym rat pals, recently single friends, and themselves with great success, including one reviewer who writes, “Sprayed a little of my cologne on it and my wife loves it when I'm gone lol.”

Dress to impress

Nude body pillows are cool, but they’re not always appropriate for a more family-friendly environment. Luckily, this Deluxe Comfort man pillow comes with its very own Brooks Brothers-y button-down, so you can pull up to more formal functions such as Meemaw’s annual Connecticut clambake without disappointing everyone (again) with your churlish, lonely demeanor.

The full picture

There comes a day in everyone’s life when they decide to commission a human-sized, Keanu Reeves (circa Something's Gotta Give), screen-printed body pillow. Let today be that day.

In the right hands

There’s nothing here but hands, but they sure are big and supportive and one of our favorite parts of our imaginary partner. Plus, there’s something very postmodern Memphis Design-y about this pillow; we wouldn’t be surprised if it landed at “it” boutiques such as Coming Soon in a few weeks to top off everyone’s Bellini sofas.

Night night.

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.