Cum Lords, Rejoice! This Squirt Blanket Can Hold a Liter of Your Sploosh
January 30, 2023Squirting is one of the body’s best party tricks. Even the wisest of cum lords couldn’t tell you exactly why or how it happens—or what actually makes up the contents of the mysterious fluid—but we do know this: While we live to squirt, we hate the post-nut mess. We don’t want to hike-up our dry cleaning bill, nor do we want to risk our Brooklinen silk just because we gave our partner’s face the Bellagio treatment. Surely, there must be a better way for squirters to keep house?
That was the idea behind the Splash Blanket, which is simple in function yet heroic in design. The throw just wants to be on the receiving end of your heaping tablespoons of sexy fluids, whether that’s cum, squirt sauce, lube, period blood—whatever Jambalaya you’re cooking up, the waterproof blanket brand says that it will be able to handle it, and moonlight as a regular house blanket by day.
The machine-washable blanket has a velvety texture on both sides that could rival even our finest West Elm throws, and comes in a variety of colorways (favorites include Emerald Isle and golden showers). Most importantly, it can hold up to a liter of liquid. That’s almost three batches of Ina Garten’s lobster corn chowder, mate.
We’ve all had the designated sploosh zone on our bed during masturbation, and we’ve all had to endure the four-second interval where your situationship rummages around your room for “the tissue box somewhere on the nightstand” to help clean you up. The Splash Blanket simply says, “Enough, king” and is offering VICE readers a special 15% off discount with the code VICE15 to ascend to Arcane Level IV of squirt mage.
Enjoy the waterworks.
But the Splash Blanket here.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.