What VICE Readers Bought This Month: Spicy Noodles, Sex Chairs, and CBD Gummies

September 2, 2022 Off By Angel Kilmister

Not sure what you guys were doing in high school, but my emo ass was listening to American Football’s self-titled 1999 album on repeat and wistfully crying into my Etnies to the plaintive strains of “The Summer Ends.” Truly makes you feel some type of way—and while I did eventually outgrow sad-boi music, I still haven’t outgrown the melancholia of the summer-to-fall transition. 

Why am I talking about this? Because even just seeing what VICE readers bought this month is already making me nostalgic. The best-sellers of August 2022 tell a story even more eloquently than a Midwest math-rock album could. Looks like y’all have had a horny, memorable summer of dousing yourselves in pheromone oil, slipping on some nipple covers, and hitting the streets, then coming home to relax on your sex-optimized chaise lounge, snack on Momofuku noods, then pop a handful of CBD gummies, and drift off into peaceful slumber until the next sunshiney day comes. It’s a beautiful existence, and we’re proud of you. 

Also making the cut: Hoka sneakers for the casual-five-mile-run crowd; cleaning gel that gives us the good shivers; a suction vibrator for every need; and the best record storage solution, recommended by an expert. Read on for the rundown of what made the “confirm order” cut for VICE readers in August.

Babe-magnet pheromone oil

This month, our staff writer Francky Knapp took this pheromone-infused fragrance to the streets of New York to see whether it really does attract sexy attention with its olfactory powers. The conclusion? “I did have a noticeably more flirtatious weekend wearing Pure Instinct, and placebo effect or not, I consider myself a convert,” Francky said. That was enough to turn your heads, too, since the perfume/cologne/babe magnet became one of our best-selling products of the month.

The record-savers that vinyl nerds trust

We asked Amoeba Records’ Chris Carmena about the best way to store records, and he delivered with the GOAT products that’ll keep your babies dustless and crispy. Simple and reliable, these plastic sleeves are affordable but sturdy, and will make sure your 1st pressing of Dude Ranch will keep a NM grading for years to come.

Instant noods of our dreams

Ah, ramen—we never tire of thee, and you always come through (in instant form) when we’re super tired, rather drunk, or just in the mood for an umami snack. Our staff writer Nicolette Accardi evangelized about Momofuku’s top-notch version, which comes with stellar sauces that show off what the New York-founded restaurant group is known for: big, delicious flavors. Stock your cabinets with these little packages of heaven, and thank yourself later when you’re in the mood for a seriously tasty, late-night snack. 

These super-comfy couches

It’s tough to pull the trigger on buying a new couch, what with the gazillion options out there and a dozen different variables to prioritize—but perhaps the most crucial is, is it comfy? We dove into the depths  of “Furniture Internet” to dig up the best choices for those in search of an ultra-comfortable couch. These two not only made the cut, they also became the best-selling sofas from that story. The Lonsdale sectional from AllModern is truly a sink-in experience, and the reviews are filled with happy buyers gushing about how this thing is a damn cloud. On the flip, we’ve ogled this Red Barrel Studio cocaine-chic sofa for several seasons, dreaming of making it the centerpiece of our living rooms, and clearly it made an impression on you, too, because VICE readers keep scooping it up. It’s bouclé, baybay!

The best compact suction vibrator

Ah, Better Love’s innocuous-looking but toe-curling Blowfish. There are a lot of suction vibes out there on the market these days, and yes, many of them are incredible and do feel like getting head from a certified 10/10 clit-worshiper, but the Blowfish truly is the best bang for your buck. Peep our review for the full story on just how heavenly this toy truly is. It was our best-selling sex toy this month, dethroning the legendary Satisfyer Pro 2 for the first time ever. 

… and a TikTok-famous one, too

If you’re on TikTok (and the algo knows you’re horny), you’ve probably seen any number of women talking about how they no longer need to seek human companionship now that they’ve discovered the orgasmic blossom of a rose vibrator. Don’t believe them? Well, then scope the reviews on Amazon… case in point: “This is by far the best toy I’ve ever had! You will never need a man again! Honestly, my man can’t even do what this toy can do for me. THIS IS LITERALLY THE BEST thing I’ve ever bought! Don’t even hesitate to order it! DO IT NOW!!!!!”

The cult-fave running shoes that don’t quit

Our staff writer Nicolette Accardi is big into run, run, running—and she knows you need the right kicks to do it. These days, she’s all about Hokas—the Clifton 8s, Bondi 7s, and Mafate Speed 4s are just three of her fave styles, and all have major pluses. Which ones are right for you? Fuck around and find out. No, seriously, you can’t go wrong; these are great sneakers. 

Who needs a bra?

Not you. But while #freethenipple sounds great in theory, there are circumstances when you might not want your pointy posies pokin’ through—say, dinner with your dad, or a job interview. That’s where nipple covers come in handy, and our staff writer Becca Blasdel has the comprehensive lowdown on which ones work the best (and stay put). These silicone nip covers from Bonamona got top marks, so it’s no wonder that y’all added them to your cart and let those tatas flutter free. 

This ASMR-inducing cleaning gel 

Blame COVID or whatever, but at some point we got really into cleaning products and we’ve never looked back. It’s just so damn satisfying to swipe away dust, wipe away stains, and brush away detritus to reveal a better version of your personal kingdom. Also, it makes for great ASMR—and that couldn’t be truer than with this cleaning gel that collects gunk and has a really wonderfully gooey, squishy feel in your hand. It’s only six bucks, and has accrued almost 45,000 rave reviews on Amazon; you’ve got nothing to lose, and a very clean car to gain. 

The sex chair that doubles as a piece of modern furniture

What, prudes—you don’t have furniture in your house specifically designed for having sex on in a variety of positions? Weird. Well, just know that there are plenty of people out there who do want sex furniture, and they’re going to be getting jiggy in the Reverse Cowgirl Inverted Lotus on a faux-leather lounger whether you’re down with that or not. This armless chaise is a perennial fave in that category; it looks like a spot where you can relax in the office in between Zoom calls, but then it doubles as… well… you know. You do know, clearly, because this thing is for real flying off the proverbial, horny shelves. (Sample tasteful review: “It is a very comfortable chair that my husband and I enjoy together or individually.”)

CBD gummies for recharging in peace

Sleep problems may seem like NBD, but they can really fuck up your life if left unchecked. Worse still, if you’re living a super-active lifestyle and then tossing and turning all night, you’re liable to wake up the next morning feeling like a barely human hunk of grumpy flesh. But Joggy’s Re-Chargies are CBD gummies specifically formulated for lulling you into a relaxed state without inducing the grogs—our staff writer Becca Blasdel is a huge fan of these suckers, and they helped wean her off of night weed. Her review was compelling, and y’all decided to give these chewy morsels a shot yourselves. Thinking ahead, these would make a great stocking stuffer come holiday time. 

The power of these products compels you, and us, too. Sorry, we’re just getting really excited for spooky season. We’ll meet you in the pumpkin patch in October. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.