Bored With Coffee? Spray, Slurp, or Inhale These Energy Boosters Instead

Do you have the need? The need for speed? Can you tell I’m the absolute last person to see Top Gun: Maverick? Anyway, if you’re constantly in need of that afternoon coffee or that double shot of espresso—or if you just lack the general zest you used to have upon waking (fuck aging)—it might be time to look into a little energy assistance. After receiving a free Peloton and having absolutely no motivation to get my ass on it (and I’ll basically do anything if it’s free—Joanne the Scammer is and forever will be my #dailymotivation), I decided to take the plunge into the world of energy supplements. 

So, I listened to what my algorithm was telling me—and it was screaming, “WHY DON’T YOU VAPE YOUR ENERGY, GIRL?” Who am I, but a slave to my internet overlords? So I obliged, and went on a hunt for all the different types of ways to up my battery power without grinding my teeth into powder or developing heart palpitations. Here are all the fun new ways you can squeeze a couple more drops of energy into your life—though we STRONGLY recommend not trying them all at once. 

HealthVape

This ones for the ex-Juulers who are looking for a replacement that can also help you actually answer your emails. The “energy flavor” of HealthVape gets its invigorating qualities from vitamin B12, known for boosting brain function, and also contains L-theanine for managing anxiety and stress. The verdict: I was shocked by how much I loved this vape. It really satisfied that weird “there aren’t enough hours in the day so I’d better caffeinate” craving I’ve cultivated after years of high-stress jobs. It gives you that perfect excuse to take a walk around the block, get a breath of fresh air, and enjoy a little puff of citrusy energy. Now, if you’re not a smoker or avid vaper, then this probably isn’t the product for you, but I can really see this taking off as a way for those aforementioned folks to cut back on their nicotine dependence, and swap them out for vitamins. 

Hiball energy seltzer

Hiball attempts to reinvent the way people consume their energy, particularly in lieu of typical energy drinks. One can of Monster or Bang may jazz you up big time, but it can also contain excessive amounts of sugar, artificial flavors, and chemicals. Hiball’s seltzer is made with purified water, organic caffeine, ginseng, and guarana, plus B vitamins. I really didn’t want to like this; I love any acqua frizzante, and my dream is to go on this mineral-water themed spa-vacation, but I was imaging this would taste like a non-alcoholic White Claw, or one of those Starburst-flavored C4s that makes me question reality while I cool down in front of the bodega freezer. But it doesn't—poured into a tall glass with ice, it’s basically a La Croix. (However, if you let it get a little warm in the can, you will get a hint of an artificial aftertaste that you don’t really find in, say, Polar.) I found this to be a really refreshing alternative to coffee, plus, it contains no sugar or calories, so my brain immediately thinks it would be perfect with vodka, or tequila, or gin—or whatever you like, pal. It might be a polarizing choice, but my personal favorite flavor was vanilla. 

Let me be the first to warn you, if you’re not super familiar with how your body reacts to caffeine, go slow when it comes to these newfangled energy-boosting products. A regular cup of drip coffee contains around 95 milligrams of caffeine, so if your morning joe normally keeps you sustained all day, you may want to think twice about cracking open an energy seltzer as a 4 p.m. pick-me-up, considering it has nearly twice the amount of caffeine.

Pzaz Spray

If you are looking to relive your X-treme 90’s E-boy/girl fantasies, then you absolutely need to grab a handful of Pzaz and start spritzing your way to your highest Dance Dance Revolution score ever. Thanks to this fast-absorbing caffeine spray, you won’t have to sacrifice your chances on the leaderboard for an untimely bathroom break. If you’re still all, “what the heck is it, though?”, it’s a vegan, zero-calorie mist made with natural caffeine, L-theanine, electrolytes, vitamin C, and zinc. Although Pzaz claims not to taste bitter, it does have a highly concentrated, Warheads Super Sour-reminiscent flavor that is not for the faint of heart. But regardless, it’s a cool, fun way to stay hyped all night long without downing vodka-Red Bulls. 

Runner’s High by Joggy

The most natural of the options I tried—and the only one not centered around caffeine—was Joggy Runner’s High, a CBD-based tincture formulated to help boost energy levels for exercise and anxiety-free alertness. I really, really like it. I’ve been dabbling with cannabinoids for ages, so maybe I’m a bit biased, but this is a really great tincture that you can take at any point in the day, without agonizing about how wired you’ll be later on, and the only item on the list I can say, with certainty, didn’t give me any jitters. It’s a water-based formula (as opposed to most cannabis-derived tinctures, which are made with oil) that, in addition to full-spectrum CBD, contains THCV to naturally energize; and alpha pinene, which promotes mental focus and clarity. 

The conclusion I came to was that I’m highly sensitive to energy supplements, and basically turn into the physical manifestation of PAT from Disney’s Smart House when she absolutely loses her shit, but that also means it’s easy for me to tell when something is working and when it’s a total dud.  Whether you’re a weekend warrior, or you’re just getting ready to burn the midnight oil, it’s time to reconsider your energy source. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.