Kris Jenner’s Calm Cleaning Line (Unfortunately) Rocks

July 26, 2022 Off By Zoe Pelikan

The words “housework” and “Kar-Jenner” don’t exactly mix in my mind. So, when I learned that Kris Jenner, matriarch of the multi-billion dollar empire (yes, that’s billion with a “B”), had not only co-founded Safely, a green cleaning company, but that Safely had already been around long enough to roll out three different scent lines, it didn't really compute. While this is definitely an unexpected crossover episode, I do trust that Kris would bankroll the best of the best team of scientists to, let’s say, “support” her on this venture into the world of chores and housekeeping.

I was definitely skeptical about the efficacy of the new line of products—Kendall’s recent cucumber-slicing mishap didn’t really instill confidence in the Jenner clan’s comfort in the kitchen—and I really (really) wanted to hate them. I figured using them would be kind of like when you watch a show that’s so bad it’s good, but after putting all six products in Safely’s new line to the test, I was unpleasantly surprised to find that they actually worked. Like, really well.

All of the products are non-toxic and use plant-derived cleaning agents to keep your cleaning routine eco-friendly. The packaging is sleek and fully recyclable, and the bang-to-buck ratio is surprisingly stellar—an affordable price-point that even Mrs. Meyers can’t touch. They also offer a super-convenient subscription option, so if you really like something, you can keep your shelf stocked 24/7. The Calm scent smells like freshly picked lavender mixed with sugar, but not in a sickly-sweet kind of way—more in a slow morning, “sipping on a CBD-infused iced lavender latte from Erewhon” kind of way. And while the line was overall efficacious, some of the products definitely worked better than others. So, here are the ones that we definitely recommend picking up from Safely.

Universal Cleaner

This spray smells so freaking good. Truly. And, it actually works. It uses mineral salt to break down gunk, coconut oil to wash away dirt, and corn-based alcohol and citric acid to disinfect. I like to use it to clean up any little spills in the kitchen and for wiping off the bathroom sink for a little refresh and relaxation at the end of the night.

Everyday Laundry Detergent

The Everyday Laundry Detergent smells serene, and ultimately leaves your clothes with a very subtly clean scent, which I enjoy. If you’re not a big fan of super strong-smelling laundry, this soap is a great option. It’s kept my clothes in great shape thus far, and erases food stains with ease—because if you’re not wearing your food after a meal, did you even enjoy it?

Hand Soap

I love having this in my bathroom. The scent wafts up around me every time I wash my hands and makes me pause, reflect, and take a breath, even if it’s only for 20 seconds. It also doesn’t leave my hands super dried-out which is a problem I have with a lot of other soaps, as it uses coconut conditioning agents to keep me feeling baby-soft.

Hand Cream

Hand cream can make me feel extremely claustrophobic—somehow—if it’s too greasy or sticky. But this fast-absorbing hand cream makes me feel like my cuticles just guzzled a tall glass of water and leaves my hands as soft as a lamb’s ear. (And that lamb happens to be roaming in a field of fresh lavender in the French countryside.)

My TL;DR is thus: While a couple of the other products did fall flat, these four gems are truly worth copping, since they’re affordable, effective, and they make cleaning a totally zen experience. Big Mama Kris, hats off to you and your team for making me an even bigger cleaning freak than I already was—something I didn’t think was possible.


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