We Found All the Best Sex Toys Hiding on AmazonJune 17, 2022
Every morning we crack open our eyes, our chicken eggs (and bags), and say a prayer before our internet browser, That it may lead us into temptation and deliver us deals, deals, deals. Nowhere is that temptation more present—and fingerlickingly eclectic—than at Amazon, the true retailer behemoth that’s filled with all the practical (and novel) stuff you could ever need, such as laundry detergent and squirrel finger puppets, as well as expensive-looking mid-century modern furniture and pole dancing cowboy boots. Naturally, there are also some epic sex toys thriving amongst those 12 million treasures, and we’re determined to find them all for you—no matter what it takes.
Amazon is certainly not stingy with its sexual wellness offerings. Craving caramel-flavored lube? You got it. Curious about how much a full leather daddi horse cosplay sex mask will run you? Giddy on up, partner.
All of these splendors are but a click away, but they’re also tucked away—one has to keep up with the ever-evolving categorization of these sex toys and the places on the site they call home. Consider the legendary Magic Wand vibrator by Vibratex, whose CEO told VICE that “the Magic Wand [is] an FDA Type I medical device [that] had previously been visible to general searches,” but is now visible in Health and Household searches.
Lucky for you, all our friends are Sylvanians busy, and our favorite hobby is finding you shortcuts to the best the internet has to offer. That includes absolute must-haves on Amazon, of which so many are imaginative sex toys. We did all the dirty work for you by rolling up our sleeves, and getting elbow-deep in the site’s best sex toys to bring you the following short list of G-spot pleasers, couples’ vibrators, cock rings, and more.
This clitoral vibrator has over 54,000 reviews
That’s enough people to populate a modest French town, which is hardly surprising given that the Satisfyer Pro 2 sets the Champagne-gold standard for clitoral suction vibrators everywhere. I reviewed it myself to see if it was worth the hype, and now I’m an unwavering convert; the vibrator’s motor is quieter than ever, and the suction function uses deep, quietly resounding Air Pulse technology to stimulate your clitoris without making direct contact. In the words of one Amazon reviewer, “[It] will rob your body & soul like a thief in the night! Man when I read the review I was very interested…. bought it, used it, now I’m Fascinated!!! This product will make you cum 2x or more in less than 20 seconds. Not a moaner??? This will make you literally cover your mouth.”
The ultimate anal plug training kit
If you’ve always wanted to get into butt stuff (but don’t know where to begin), then an anal training kit is a great way to go. Once you’ve lubed up your horny holes, this four-plug set will allow you to pick whichever size you feel most comfortable with. (Plus, it includes an enema for less… messy play.) It’s the number one best-selling anal kit on the site, and one reviewer writes, “The silicone plugs are THE BEST. Soft texture with the right amount of rigidity. The longer shape is better too.”
The OG of wand vibrators
The Vibratex Magic Wand walked so that so many other sex toys could blast you off to O-Town. When it first came on the scene in 1968, the Magic Wand was masquerading as an, ahem, general body massager—and that’s a job it does like a pro—but it’s the wand’s ability to provide direct, intense clitoral stimulation with its bulbous tip that’s made it the stuff of legend. The extra-long handle makes it one of the best accesible sex toys for folks who may have a limited range of motion or grip, and after several decades of innovation it’s perfected a few new tricks; the 4.6-star rated Magic Wand mini is not only rechargeable, but packs a 6,000 RPM brushless motor to bring you “those magical deep, rumbly vibrations that all Magic Wands are known for.”
This best-selling textured cock ring
You’ll find more fantastic rings for
le peen on Amazon than at Barnum & Bailey circus, from silicone rings that glow in the dark to best-selling, vibrating multi-taskers such as this Svakom vibrating cock ring. The ring has a textured, vibrating attachment design to please the clitoris that reviewers love. In the words of one Svakom champion: “After lubing up my husband and putting on the ring, I mounted him. Started on the lowest setting and started feeling the excitement right away… an amazing orgasm. [The] clitoral stimulation is mind blowing.”
This multi-tasking clitoral and G-spot vibrator
This dual G-spot and clitoral suction toy from Womanizer is one of the best vibes your clams can buy, because it has a near-sentient ability to give you the perfect amount of vibrational pressure and has 12 levels of intensity to play around with. Here’s how it works: The more firmly you press down on your nethers, the more the toy will intensify its vibrational waves, and always with its signature, whisper-quiet motor. “This one knocked it out of the park the first night we used it,” writes one reviewer. “This is now old faithful!!” If you’re looking for the kind of toy that could replace your clitoral suction vibrator and your dildo, this is definitely the most bang for your buck.
This futuristic ‘Turbo’ Fleshlight
Fleshlight has built such penis-stroker supremacy over the years that the brand name alone is synonymous with male masturbators and penis sleeves. But the more anatomical sleeves aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, and the brand’s icy blue Turbo model is a favorite among penis owners who want a sleeve that’s cool to look at, easy to use (and clean), and that provides tight and textured stroking to their shaft. “The looks of this sleeve are way better than the normal anatomical sleeves,” writes one fan, while another says, “I'm tempted to buy a couple more to have on hand in case they ever stop making this thing!!!!”
The best budget clitoral vibrator
Whether you’re craving a new clitoral vibrator to shake things up, or trying to find one of the most affordable clitoral suckers for head-bangin’ orgasms, the Better Love Blowfish is not to be slept on. The suction feature and flicky little tongue fit into a remarkably compact design, and as Angel Kilmister wrote for VICE in her review of the clever fish, “[at] less than $40, this is one of the best—if not the best—oral-simulating toys you’re going to find on the market. It’s for those who like a lighter and more cunnilingual style of touch.”
Unbound Babe’s best-selling glass dildo
You can also find some of the coolest new sexual wellness companies on Amazon, such as Unbound Babes, that are disrupting the industry by bringing higher engineering quality and more inclusive designs to world of sex toys. This dual-ended glass dildo is not only Cinderella slipper-stunning, but great for everything from anal play to A-spot (yup, that’s a thing) orgasms. It’s one of my most cherished sex toys—in fact, it’s so stunning, I keep it displayed on
my bunk ass AC unit my proverbial mantle. The best part? As a glass toy, it needs zero charging, so it’s always ready to please you whenever the mood strikes.
The steel dildo sex workers swear by
Not only does the Njoy stainless steel dildo look like a prop from The Matrix, but it’s known to be a beloved toy amongst sex workers who’ve been perfecting the path to O-City (right next to O-Town) thanks to its curved, G-spot targeting shape. In the words of sex pro Stevie Balkon, "[This] Njoy wand has probably been in my necessity/getaway bag for years. It’s my favorite toy that I could be stranded on a deserted island with.”
Those TikTok-famous rose vibrators
Rose-shaped clitoral suction vibes took off on TikTok recently, and for a mere $36, your proverbial garden can also be beholden to their (t)horny charms. There are many versions to browse on Amazon, but this is the best-selling of them all. Not only does it have a vibrating attachment for teasing everything from your anus to your nips, but the bud has a flicking tongue that will have you singing, “Feed me [redacted], Seymour!”
One lube to rule them all
Now that you’ve stocked up on sex toys, top off your horny pantry with one of the internet’s most coveted silicone lubes. “It is so nice to find something you know is going to perform so well for you that you'll never have to even think about a replacement. Überlube is like that… and worth every single penny,” writes one Amazon reviewer of the lube, which has a silky, smooth sensation with zero stick and a truly neutral, clean scent that’s garnered it a 4.6-star average rating from over 28,000 reviews.
Now go forth, and get off.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.