The Best Sex Furniture for Turning Your Living Room Into a Horny Playground
February 9, 2022Like spaghetti and squirting, we can’t quite remember the first time we heard about sex furniture. But since that moment, we have regularly wondered: Is buying furniture just for the purpose of banging on it actually worth it? And if so, what is the best sex furniture one can find?
First we'd need to answer the essential question: People have sex on all different types of beds and sofas and rugs, so what is, and isn’t sex furniture? It's only by exploring the limits, skills, and brands that we've been able to confidently share what you should have on your radar if you're looking to have better sex, or at least sex that can save us from a little bit of quarantine ennui by going, “Hey. Wanna smash on that giant high-heeled shoe?”
The parameters aren’t as rigid as you might think. A venture into Reddit’s r/LowLibidoCommunity—one of many, meaty subreddits with impassioned, novel-length reviews and questions on sex furniture—testifies to the vitality of the ongoing bend-over-backwards-pillow universe, including symposiums on the many “wedges” by the iconic sex furniture brand Liberator, as well as hot takes on the new “Nugget” furniture modules, which are marketed as children’s couches, but have ended up as accidental sex furniture in a whooooole “Nugget After Dark” corner of the web.
What’s wrong with a wee splurge on a new lower back roll pillow for the couch? All those wiggle candles and that fancy hand soap might make your crib a little sexier, but what about the sex itself? Many of the following pieces are adaptable, accessible in design, and better versions of the crap futon you have for guests. An upgrade for everyone, including your libido.
“Sex furniture has come a long way from shoving a pillow under your butt,” explained VICE’s Sirin Kale, in an article that highlights everything from le classic Liberator Wedge to an artistic sex chair, the Adela, thus “named for a mythical Mexican female revolutionary [and] reimagines sex furniture through the concept of feminist history.”
So maybe our question should be, “What isn’t sex furniture?” Glass coffee tables? Rickety chairs? The poster child of sex furniture is sex dungeon-y chevals—which is great, do you—but the truth is that sex furniture is much more versatile. (And perfect for a shared evening of Pantsdrunk shenanigans.) And best of all, these are the most discreet sex objects one can own. Many pieces are Transformer couches, lounge rollers, and wavy rocking chairs that can chill incognito in the living room. Others look like lowkey geriatric pillows sold at Brookstone, are in fact sold at Brookstone, and help us realize that we really don’t need to make a big hoopla about all this. We just gotta sit back, put our feet in the stirrups, and relax.
Your first slice
A classic. The Liberator Wedge’s job is to be the most supportive slice in your life, with a “specially designed angle [that] helps hit the G-spot or the prostate every time for increased sensations and incredible orgasms.” It also feels really luxurious if you’re trying to get off with a vibrator and need more back support.
Amazon is also home to some high-rated budget picks such as this wedge pillow by Sleepnitez, which has over 2,500 thorough reviews on the site, with customers complimenting everything from its ability to help them sleep better to… well, you know.
The one from a 1980s Miami timeshare
For the sheer joy of purchasing sex furniture that transforms itself into a stool-type chair (just fold the tail end over the fatter portion). This burgundy colored set feels like it could’ve been right at home in a horny 1980s vacation pad, ready for you to sip Carlo Rossi all over it.
The one you can just deflate
Because we don’t all have room for a big, errant Wedge in our apartments, but everyone can store a random, deflated pillow, this is the easy-to-hide option. This blow-up wedge is rather stately in design, and comes with a handcuff and blindfold package. Gift it to your partner. Gift it to yourself, so you can Velcro down, eye-mask up, and wait to get beamed-up.
An under-the-sea wedge
The Cult of the Shell Pillow is right up there with blob candles and spray foam mirrors on Instagram. We say: Make it a sex thing. It already has the ridges, the ergonomic wedge type shape, the half-moon (excuse: clam) form. And this shiny guy can live truly unassumingly on furniture both retro and modern in design. Mother will never know.
The knock-off Nugget
Here is your blank canvas. The “Foamnasium” is basically another version of the Nugget for waaay less money, but has all the Build-A-Bear fun of the hyped brand; you can configure it into different shapes for lower back support or a better bend-over position. It’s also intended for children, but we absolutely never knew that and it’s not weird?
A rocking chair for getting oral sex in space
It kind of looks like a giant severed artery, but in a cool way. At this point, you’re probably learning that solid sex furniture is all about smooth design, versatility, and putting ridges in the right places. Furniture retailer Driade is filled with a bunch of pieces that are ripe for being converted into sex furniture, like this (unofficially) dubbed Oral Sex Rocking Chair.
If you’re not into the velvet look
Velvet-feeling fabric is to sex furniture what cast iron is to skillets: a really great traditional staple, but not all that’s out there on the market. This couch is high-density foam, but comes with a good-grip, mesh covering that won’t turn it into a slip-n-slide. Unfold it, and you’ve got a solid guest mattress.
The one to match your wiggle candle
We love Flubber. We love Y2K nostalgia. We love this wavy couch as a reminder of both (plus it has big hungry, hungry ass-eating caterpillar energy). It’s definitely not super concealable at 72 inches in length, but why would you want to hide this vibe? Goes perfectly with sculptural candles.
Amazon is also slinging a wiggle couch by Avana for almost $200 less and top marks in the rewiews section. “If couples ‘yoga’ were an Olympic sport, this piece would have helped my wife and I earn at least a Bronze Medal,” writes one reviewer, “I am not as flexible as I was 30 years ago, but, DAMN, she sure is! If you're looking for an addition to your bedroom furnishings, THIS IS IT!”
The big Liberator combo
You’ve done it. You’ve tried the OG Liberator Wedge, you’re hooked, and now it’s time for the extension pack. Which is worth it, if the Adam & Eve reviews are anything to by; “My girl and I literally do not have sex without it now,” writes one of many post-glow users, “Good for me too because it lets her stay in those positions for as long as I want to tongue her asshole for.” Sold!
If you miss going to kitschy roadside motels
Alas, we’re not travelling to the Poconos just yet to bathe in a giant Champagne glass, or flying into the kitschy arms of the iconic Madonna Inn resort. But we really, really miss America’s gaudy hotels. So getting spanked while bent over the side of a giant shoe is the next best thing.
When you need to sit on a dick
Of all the shopping infernos on the web, none delivers quite like the depths of Amazon. Case in point: this dildo sex ball, stemmed by a rubber peen. We see so many lives for this ball. Masturbator. Poolside accessory. Horseshoe toss. In the words of one reviewer, “This is a lot of fun and you may actually get some exercise from it!”
A throne fit for a kink
This is not, in fact, a seat for an indoor outhouse—though, if you’re into that, we don’t judge. No, this sturdy, faux-leather sex chair comes pre-assembled and is perfect for all sorts of oral exploration. It also features two seat surfaces for use during all kinds of play and a nine-inch hole that lets you explore queening anything else your partner(s) is into.
There’s nothing wrong with riding the bench
Or maybe it’s so wrong, it’s right? Just kidding—there’s nothing wrong with prominently displaying your spanking bench (a distant cousin of the fainting couch?) in your living room. What else would be the centerpiece? This model provides a soft and sturdy base for spanking, dominance, and bondage.
That wraps up our foray into sex furniture, but if you want to populate your whole life with even more wedges and cubes: continue scoping sex toy retailers including Ella Paradis and Lovehoney, and prepare to keep stealing all the furniture from all the children on websites such as Wayfair, whose conversation pit game is so wonderfully, absolutely out of control. How is this olive dream not for 30-year-olds? What a time to be alive (and boning).
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.