This Egg Is Bigger Than Before and That’s All That Matters Right Now

Do you have an egg? A wine glass? Some vinegar and no plans for the next day? Then you can make it BIGGER THAN BEFORE.

What about additional glassware for the egg, a ridiculous amount of maple syrup, and another day of waiting? BIGGER THAN BEFORE.

A glass of water. An egg. A day. BIGGER THAN BEFORE.

An egg. Blue dye. Time is meaningless. BIGGER THAN BEFORE.

On Thursday, a Twitter account named @chipspopandabar posted "an extremely bizarre Facebook craft video" that took viewers on a 55-second journey that started with an egg sitting vertically in a wine glass and finished, yes, bigger than before. If you've ever wondered what would happen if Bill Nye and David Lynch were bound together, submerged in vinegar, and allowed to experiment on eggs, well… it's probably this.

The video was pulled from the 5-Minute Crafts Facebook page, which lists an address in Cyprus and promises "Fun diy-projects, crafts, experience the joy of doing it yourself!" (In another recent video, it demonstrated how to make a pop-socket by removing a drawer pull.) 5-Minute Crafts was full of shit even before it started making eggs bigger than before—a process that takes not five minutes, but at least three days.

Anyway, if you had an uninspired elementary school teacher, you probably did that whole dunk-an-egg-in-vinegar thing, and it's a popular experiment on science websites for both children and easily entertained adults. If you leave an egg in white vinegar for a day-plus, the acetic acid starts breaking down the calcium carbonate in the eggshell until it dissolves completely. The remaining shell-less egg is rubbery—as demonstrated in that cursed video—and also bigger than before. THANKS, OSMOSIS.

The maple syrup step does the opposite, as the American Egg Board (!!!) explained when it shared a similar experiment that used corn syrup in place of maple syrup (probably because maple syrup is too expensive to use making eggs bigger than before). "Corn syrup has a high concentration of dissolved molecules of sugar, which gives it a high density," the Board explains. These molecules are too large to pass through the semipermeable egg membrane. The smaller water molecules, on the other hand, can pass through the membrane. The water in the egg will move from the area of higher density through the membrane to the corn syrup until the density is the same on both sides." YOU GUYS, THAT EGG IS ACTUALLY SMALLER THAN BEFORE, HOLY SHIT.

That reverse process is reversed again, when the submerged in a glass of water, whether or not it also has blue dye in it.

That egg is bigger than before.

And then it's nothing at all. Fin.